Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
