I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
