Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
