Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
