He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
