Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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