Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
