just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize