I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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