What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
