Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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