I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she looked like the before picture.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
