Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.