This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
