Grow some girl-balls and come out already
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
