Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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