I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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