i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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