The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
