You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize