How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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