so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
