I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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