Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
