I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
