dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
