we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
