Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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