Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
