Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
