i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
