look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
did you just send me my own nude
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
