Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
