having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
