i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
