I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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