I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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