then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
