I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
