please come you make the beer taste better
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
