STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
