I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
