If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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