I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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