It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
