so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
