That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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