I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
