so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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