fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
