where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The best revenge is premature balding
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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