Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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