Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
