i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize