two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
