i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
