he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
