so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
