I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
