Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
