There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
