Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
