omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
