1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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