im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
