I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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