Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
