my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
