Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
