The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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