he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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