cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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