Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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