Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
