I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
