Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
