where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
