we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
