i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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