what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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