So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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