So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
